Coasting

1 Jul

Image

I know I have not written in a while. I am sorry. It’s been a month.

I attended 3 funerals and 3 graduations and spent all of June bouncing up and down on a trampoline of human emotion. I lost one of my very first friends in life and watched my sons leave the schools to which they have grown accustomed. I saw one son through another bump in his road and a couple of weeks later, watched him deliver a speech as president of his class at his graduation. I sat with my parents and brother through 2 funerals of women we all four loved very much and I celebrated my parents’ anniversary, my dad’s birthday, father’s day. I packed 6 trunks and sent my sons off to camp with fingers crossed, hoping that everything will be ok. The older you get, the more it seems this is just the routine unrolling of life.

My son has not had a great year. We’ve all had a not great year. But he is a fucking champ and I think he is probably also from my side of the family. It is, without question, as a parent, more difficult to watch someone you created and love go through something than it is for that person to live through it. My boy, who has depth and intelligence and maturity, must have intuited that because he made everything a little easier for us, which only makes me love him more.

I’m not even going to tell you that I’ve cried an awful lot this month because after a few of these posts, you probably know that already. Fuck it. I’ll tell you. I’ve cried an awful lot this month. I cry all the time. It was terrible and tragic to say goodbye to a woman who just turned 42, knowing she was the youngest person in that overcrowded room of people who came to mourn her. It was beyond sad to watch my mom lose one of her closest friends who only a year ago helped me celebrate my son’s bar mitzvah. It was horrible to see my child miss school and suffer and cry until his face turned red and he didn’t make a sound. And yet all this was counterbalanced by so much good and so much revelry, even though I tend to cry during those moments too. Wouldn’t it be nice, if on a trampoline, there was a way to only bounce upwards without the inevitable downs?

The point is, there will always be lows, but I must remember to focus more on the highs. And then….. coast on them for as long as I can.

I’m so proud of my babies for their inevitable graduations, for their achievements, for the people that they are. I’m gonna coast on that until they give me more reasons to celebrate.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: